When Enough is Enough
All too often, I cling to this false hope that I am good, and that in some way, the things that i do in a day will be done good enough to keep me going...to keep my status. i look forward to the things in the days ahead to bring me ease...trips, plans, dates, vacations, anything not school (all 'right' and edifying)...and this is what i draw my joy from.
the things i know to be true, i don't grab a hold of...why? how long will i continue to hold onto the temporary pleasures to keep me satisfied? when will i live in this moment, and not wait for tomorrow? when will i really look to the interest of others? when will i, in humility, consider others better than myself (phil 2:2&3)?
why is it hard for me to even get to this place, where i step outside of myself and align what i do with truth and then repent...then much more than that, why is it then even harder to accept the free and mind boggling 'i-don't-understand-and-never-will' gifts of mercy, and then even much more than that...when will i look past all of my wrongs and grotesque state -living in defeat- and live in the grace and truth that is freely given...to me?!?! why? why to me? which means grasping the concept that He lives IN me and that is the hope of glory (col 1:27) - not my performance.
that day is now, that moment is now. it is choice that is made, and it is must be conciously decided moment by moment, in order to live in truth, abide in the vine, and hit, no, STAY on my knees.
it is not tomorrow when it happens, it is not the next time i hear my favorite teacher preach, and it cannot only come from bits of encouragement from the incredible people that God has so graciously put in my life to help me press on towards the prize...it must, and will only, come from strength that lies in grace...the empowering presence of God.
upon the reliance of Him and His grace.- this is where all the things that i need to joyfully live to share the story of my savior and His love. it goes from the regurgitation of things that i've heard to the core of how i live...not boasting in myself...only of the power of my Lord and His work on the cross.
just some repentance for you, in hopes for encouragement.
i pray that you and i will not forget this as soon as we walk away from our computers.
posted by greyson at 4:36 PM
1 Comments:
Hi Greyson. I just read this, and even though you probably wrote it a long time ago I just wanted to tell you how much I identified with your words. I think God has just been starting to open my eyes to how I spend all my daydreaming thinking about the next time I can "get away", mostly through traveling/trips, but little things too, like watching a movie over the weekend or scheduling in what morning I can sleep in next week. Stupid things. NOTHING things. Wouldn't be a problem if it weren't my mode of getting through EVERYTHING now, which it is. I wouldn't even know what it would look like to be living fully and solely in the moment, in the breath, that I am living in right NOW. How much more fully alive could I be if I were 100% involved in making the most of every opportunity as it came to me, if I were attentive to people and to opportunities as they presented themselves to me every second instead of wasting energy wishing and daydreaming for "better" days/hours to come (those hours being ones that I actually will usually be mindless during, such as watching a movie, etc.). Anticipation for a good thing is all good and well, and half the fun, usually; but I think being overboard in that area has made me downright useless a lot of times. Thanks for the Word, hope I don't forget it when I walk away from this computer either. :)
3:10 PM
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